College

So, we’ve been in college for a bit.

Everyone’s life is different, but you’ve been hearing about mine for like 3 years, so here’s a little bit more about me, specifically.

I didn’t go to a college with many other smathers. As far as I know, I am actually the only one on campus.

At first, I thought smath ruined me.

I can’t talk to these people. These normal people, who play lacrosse and football and major in Economics and don’t get my quantum mechanics jokes, who think that this is a challenging workload and are adjusting to living away from home and can’t share space. These are normal people, and I’m not normal, and it’s like we speak two different languages and Rosetta forgot to come out with a stone edition.

Well, that’s not true, strictly speaking. I can talk to them. I do talk to them. I have friends.

I just don’t like them the way I like my smath friends. The way I liked my smath friends. It feels wrong to even call these people my friends.

It’s actually really weird. Even though I don’t go to school with them, I stay in contact with my fellow unicorns. We videochat, we text, we call, we skype. We still talk about things going on at NCSSM, about whether it’d be weird for us to visit now, about the politics of the school and the school in politics (west campus is coming, no matter how much we alums think the money should just go to expanding east campus because west campus would be so much worse and there’s a mental health crisis but we aren’t a mental health hospital we’re a school and apparently so and so professor is doing this and that and this student is going to that college and oh my gosh we HAVE to go back for graduation but oh no I’m busy that weekend and so on).

So, my first assumption was that NCSSM ruined us. Two years clumped together, and suddenly, we no longer fit into the outside world. The ones who go to school with other smathers seem to hang out with each other. I, alone, try to use technology to retain that connection. We had been turned into outcasts, comfortable only among ourselves. We had unintentionally pushed out that part of us that makes us human in an attempt to squeeze in enough to call ourselves unicorns.

And then I realized the truth.

This is what my friendships felt like before. In 9^th and 10^th grade. This is what it felt like – when they were my friends, but I hated them. When I spoke and they didn’t understand. When I laughed until I cried and then realized that I was the only one laughing.

I realized that NCSSM did not ruin me.

It was just a special place, where my weirdly shaped piece fit with other weirdly shaped pieces to make a weirdly shaped puzzle that I called beautiful. And that isn’t all smathers, that’s me. There are a lot who are now happy where they are. There are those who are fitting in perfectly. There are many who are learning how to fit in, and are changing, bit by bit, as they need to. I’m like that. My shape remains weird, but it’s beginning to twist in new places. It’s learning to bend where others bend, to fit in and make a rectangular puzzle.

 

What’s good in the past, my memory makes beautiful, and what’s bad, my memory makes tragic. As I look back, I don’t believe that I would ever give up those two years. I would not give up the friendships I made, the classes I took, the stress, the roommate conflicts, the check calls and loops and 4^th west and sweat raining from the ceiling and absurdly named clubs. From the outside, I’m fitting in pretty well. I’m doing fine in my classes, I’m engaged in extracurriculars, and I don’t want to go back to smath. I don’t miss it.

But I look back at it, and I love it. I know that I made the right choice to come. And a lot of wrong choices there, and a lot of wrong choices before, and I’ve made a LOT of wrong choices at college. But those two years were great years.

But hey, if you don’t believe my memory, read for yourself.

 

Oh, I almost forgot.
Congratulations, NCSSM Class of 2018, and Happy (Belated) Welcome Day.

SeeTheDusk Part II

I wrote this post originally after 2nd tri, and I explain why, but I wanted to save it to post after I graduate in case I wanted to add anything, and honestly, there wasn’t much. A few edits to phrasing here, a cut there to add a few sentences and ruin the flow, but honestly, not much changed. Also, I completely forgot about this post until someone posted on the class page asking who wrote this. So, thanks!

So, I know I posted SeeTheDusk, and that was supposed to be my last post. It was, I promise. But I felt like I left a lot out. Like, maybe, all of senior year. But the truth is, by senior year, I was thinking a lot less about Science and Math, and a lot more about college. But I figured I should still do something, still say something. Well, actually, I just saw co2017.wordpress.com, and it reminded me and it was late at night and I was feeling nostalgic and it touched my heart that flamencoangel carried on the legacy enough for someone to continue after her.

1) Sophomores look really young. Like I see you guys visit. You’re so cute. You look about ten years old. No offense. Actually, I completely see how that could be taken offensively, so… it’s a joke. Please don’t take it too personally.

2) This is the really important part.

Don’t get me wrong. I know student ambassadors who have quit their posts because they felt like they couldn’t lie to prospective students and say that this was a great place, that the sophomores should come here. There are people who feel that strongly. There are people who leave because they hate it. There are people who leave because they can’t handle the academics, or the homesickness, or just feel like it’s a better decision.

For me, attending NCSSM was easily the best decision of my life. I’m still just as screwed up emotionally, a few rice purity points lighter, probably a good dose weirder, and definitely less aware of the fact that I’m weird. I now know that I’m bad at math and a compulsive suck-up. But the social experience alone made it worth all of the all-nighters, the 8AMs, the ban on cars, the Saturday morning restricted study, the questionable cafeteria food, the curfews, and the dumb rules. The people there, the people I met, the people I loved at first sight and the people I learned to love, the people I hated, and the people who I never met but just heard about, they all made it worth it. It was the experience, not the academics.

Realizing how subconsciously elitist I really am. Seeing other kids who aren’t like me, but who really are was worth the 8AMs. Not only going to class, but eating and sleeping with my best friends was worth not being able to drive. Insisting that Hill has the worst halls on campus. Learning book lessons in a classroom, and life lessons in a hall lounge. Feeling self-conscious when they find this blog and read excepts aloud, and then don’t even remember that it happened a year later. Sketching with my senior sister. Concocting elaborate lies about my family. Embarrassing myself over and over and over again. Seeing the school fail its students, and seeing the students fail the school. Breaking rules and being ready to accept the consequences. Coming into a campus of legends and seeing them fall into oblivion as a new junior class knows none of their names. Accepting that I am not a legend. Being scared to go to college because, yeah, college is going to be so much freer and cooler and just BETTER but I don’t want better. I want this. Not forever. I don’t want to relive them. I don’t wish they happened a second slower. I don’t really even know what I want.

I’m just glad they happened. I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

Actually, the world’s a pretty good deal. I’d probably take the world. But you get the point.

SeeTheDusk

This will most likely be my last post. Note that when I refer to seniors, I mean class of 2015. Juniors are class of 2016.

That’s my, SeeTheDawn’s, last post. Auriee and DuhBagel might continue to post, but for me, this is it.

1) I’ve seen Science and Math’s culture about recently-accepted (rising) Juniors. There are some 10-25 (rising) Seniors obsessed with the Junior class, posting like crazy and eager to talk to the Juniors. There are about as many Juniors eagerly trying to talk to seniors. However, there’s still like 30-40% of the class that, although not actively posting, is incredibly excited about getting Juniors. The campus was buzzing on April 4th, after the Juniors got in. There was a minor scandal about developing the facebook page; two were made, and we had to pick one. There were coups and social skirmishes over who got to run the page, and debate over who should be running junior-senior siblings. But it’s mostly cooled down; we’re just waiting for Welcome Day.

Then there’s the rest of the students, the ones who know people who dropped out or decided not to go or weren’t that excited about the school or didn’t care or hate the school or I don’t know what. These seniors don’t care about the juniors, and find everyone’s excitement to be childish and unruly and I don’t even know. If you couldn’t tell, I’m not one of them. But they’re there, and they criticize the excited ones, and they don’t care about the Juniors – until they show up next year. They don’t matter – until they show up next year.

But for the most part, the Juniors are in good hands. Most of the people who added themselves to the Seniors doc on the Facebook page are willing to be contacted, I think, and would be happy to talk to you. And many of us love to talk about Science and Math.

2) So far this month, we have had well over 2,000 views. The same happened last month. Duhbagel got a few emails. I’m guessing that Auriee did too. I got zero. In fact, the last time I got a message was the beginning of February. The last one before that was in December, from one of the NCSSM Journey 2016 writers in response to an email I sent. Additionally, I’m rather certain that Admissions knows who I am, not that it would be that hard to figure out, if they cared. I’m not doing anything wrong, so I’m not too worried, but I feel like my posts about when I was applying were what helped. My explanations of what life is like here are rather general to not outline my specific experience, but… honestly, everyone’s experience is different. It’s different applying, it’s different being accepted or rejected or waitlisted, and it’s different once you get here. I think that the majority of you guys connect with DuhBagel and Auriee more, so… I’m going to leave the posts to them and Dandylion905 and FlamencoAngel at NCSSMJourney2016.

So, this is it.

Good writing for you guys. Feel free to contact me if you ever need anything.

Dialects

One of the coolest aspects of NCSSM is that it brings kids together from all over the state. Sure, once they get here, they still form cliques based on similarities, but we originally come from all over the state.

And slang is different in different parts of the state, different cities, different parts of cities and towns. People bring their slang with them. So, after a little while, they spread their slang to their friends and you start to hear some strange words like “dran”. And so, what I like to call “dialects” develop.

After a little while, you can tell who hangs out with whom based on what words they use. This also means that sometimes you won’t understand words that other people use, but you recognize that Dick and Bob and Rick all use the word “dran”, so you can reasonably assume that they hang out with each other in some combination. It’s really cool, kind of confusing, and completely useless.

It gets even more confusing when you can’t tell whether it’s a universally new word like yolo or ratchet, or it’s smath-specific, which can become especially problematic when speaking to youth who do not attend smath. You’ll try to define terms EVERYBODY knows, and you’ll leave undefined words that NOBODY knows. But you get used to it.

Why am I not addressing the fact that Sophomores get notified today? I don’t know. Maybe I’m not ready for it. Maybe I’m excited, maybe I’m too tired of being excited. But mostly because we all know that it’s happening, and I don’t need to talk about it. The Sophomores are stressing, the Seniors don’t care about anything (Third Trimester Seniors are experiencing senioritis to the max), and for the Juniors… it’s just test-heave mid-term time and, oh yeah, we’re getting Juniors. Some are excited. Most are preoccupied for other things.

But we’ll get so hype when y’all get here. Welcome day, the day when we move in (Juniors move in first to give them time to get acquainted to campus and each other), we’ll be ready and excited.

Until then, if you get in, join the Facebook page. Talk to some of your seniors, but try to wait for the summer for your full plethora of questions. We have a lot of work right now. And AP exams. But it’s getting a little bit lighter for many people, and a whole lot of us are getting excited. We’re getting ready for you.

Good luck, and congratulations in advance.

2nd Tri and Snow

I didn’t realize how little I was going to post when I started this blog. Honestly, I lost a lot of my motivation (Thanks to Sunshine Daisies for bringing it back with an inspirational comment). I’ve been busy, I feel like I just bombed my exams, but a part of me just doesn’t care anymore.

People told me that during third tri, you just stop caring, and it’s hitting me. I honestly don’t care. But that hasn’t been the real reason.

See, I’ve always been excited to have my own Juniors. Since I met my seniors, since my first day, since I was accepted, even, since I applied. I’m not close to my seniors. I’ll talk to them, but really… I talk to my fellow Juniors. And not everyone is like that, a lot of people mix and mingle, and I do a little bit of mixing and mingling too. And that should make me more ready to have Juniors.

But I just realized that I don’t want Juniors. With everyone, me included, applying for some leadership position or other (I’m including TA even though that’s not technically a leadership position), we’re accepting that the end is near. And I’m not ready for it.

Moving on. So, it’s snowing. Yes, we have snow days, since we don’t want to put the teachers’ lives in danger by making them come to school. But the teachers are supposed to assign work to make up for the classwork, and most of them did… and it was a lot of work.

Exams, however, continue, rain or shine or snow or freaking fire raining from the sky, but most people are okay with that, since they’ve already done their studying. Darned anti-procrastinators.

And… I don’t know. I don’t know what to say. I’m a little tired of trying to guess what people want to know about the school, I’m a little tired of trying to talk about it. I’m tired of the automated spam messages I get from our million and one ways to contact us, and I don’t get any real messages. It’s a time for complaining. Especially about all the applications, for summer programs and senior leadership positions and bleh.

Other than that, Sophomores got their applications in, which is kind of exciting, even though (and take this in the best way possible) I am not excited for  bunch of new kids who don’t know a thing about the school and think they know everything. Not that I’m prejudging you. I catch myself giving seniors advice and telling them about the school, and I have to make them stop.

Also exciting are the discovery days, which are going to be AWESOME because, I mean, Sophomores. My Juniors. Y’all are among the crowd.

Good luck. Stay in school. Hugs, not drugs. Abstinence is the best form of contraception. Don’t procrastinate.

See you at Discovery Day. All of you ❤

Semi And Mentorship

So, I know it’s been a long time since I posted, but I figure there’s practically a short novel on here already, so it’s alright.

But I figured I’d post about the semi-formal dance since it was big and important and stuff. Oh, and Mentorship.

But first, a side note to applicants: Come to open houses. I’m not sure there are many/any left this year, but sign up and come out. And when you’re there, ask questions if you have some. Ask the junior volunteers. Ask the senior guides. And if a junior was helpful, mention it to the senior guides at the end. The juniors are volunteering because they want a leadership job as a senior, and positive feedback is helpful.

And send us emails, too! It might take us a little while to respond to them, but we appreciate your questions and feedback. We made this blog because we wanted to talk to people about science and math, so don’t be shy! And we’re looking forward to seeing y’all on discovery day.

Back to the topics of the post. *Disclaimer: I use “a significant number” a lot, and I know it’s vague. What I mean is that it won’t be weird to be in this group. It’s not something out of the ordinary. It’s another option.

Mentorship:

Sister/Daughter Blog and Self-Obsession

Before I go on a tangent, I’d like to direct your attention to our sister/daughter blog created by a current Sophomore who’s applying and had the idea to share another story. You can follow that journey at:

ncssmjourney2016.wordpress.com

The writing that I’ve read has been pretty great, and I know that I would have read more if I could have. I encourage you to take a look, and, for the moment, I think there’s room for cobloggers, so… Sophomores, get in contact! There’s more information on the blog

Okay, now onto the tangent. Click “more’ to continue.

Questions

So, it’s been just over 200 days since I got in. It seems like such a long time. I’m not even sure I’ve been alive for 200 days.

I’ve been at the school for a while, and if I were to be honest, I’d tell you that I don’t exactly remember what I wanted to know, so I’ll only be writing about what’s important to me when I’m writing it.

Or, even better, you could ask me questions, or suggest something for me to write about/ask me to write about something, some aspect of Smath. And I’ll do my best. Or ask DuhBagel or Auriee to do it. If it has to do with online, I’ll ask BegoniaEyes.

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Trimester 1

So, I’m in a bit of an awkward situation, you see.

I’m looking at 73 posts, and think there are too many. I’m looking at 3 emails I haven’t responded to, and a few exams/final projects to do for the glorious end of the first trimester.  The end of superstudy. The end of 1/6 of my experience at Smath, 1/3 of my time with my seniors, a little less than half the time before my juniors start joining the facebook group.

Y’know how science can really ruin the romance of some things, how sometimes it’s better to dream a beautiful dream than a truthful one, to think than to know the answer?

I also think about my day-to-day interactions, and I realize that I don’t want to say too much. I feel like every insider bit of NCSSM I share is both sharing a piece of personal information about the school, and one more piece of the romance that I’m explaining with science. It’s a disservice to you, to Smath, and to everything in general.

But right about now is the time when I’m really getting annoyed with all the couples, “popcorn couples” as they’re being called because they keep popping up, and it really makes me want one. I’m getting tired of all the seniors telling me how things are going to be or what I’m going to feel or anything, really. I feel like I’m a Smather. Maybe I haven’t had sex on a roof or gotten a level 3 yet, or had my seniors graduate, or even gone off-campus that much, but I feel like I’ve experienced enough and they just need to shut up and enjoy it instead of telling me how to enjoy it.

Which is part of why I don’t want to write this, but I figure you can stop reading if you want to preserve your experience. But I wouldn’t have, and in retrospect I would have wanted myself to. Also, that stuff that I mentioned doesn’t happen that much. Seniors only graduate once a year.

Anyways, I would suggest trying to get a varied science education before you go to Smath. It will help with your classes. It might help you exempt some requirements, people will think you’re smart, and it’ll make the classes easier because you’ll have exposure already. Not sure how it helps you get in, but it’s good for once you do.

Also, halls have reputations. Don’t worry about them in advance. If you’re on one of the more talked-about ones, then you’ll get annoyed and people will say bad things about your hall. But most of the stereotypes don’t really apply anymore. Except Royall. Royall girls are always Royall girls because it’s Royall.

I love Royall. It’s actually a cool building.

Exams are chill so far, and they’re mostly over, so… exams are chill. Most days you only have one or two exams, and they’re at least 2 and a half hours apart, giving you time to eat, change your mindset, and get over the 25% of your trimester grade that you just bombed.

Yes, the exams are worth 20-25% of your grade. That’s the less chill part, when you’re stressing about how these 2 hours could make-or-break your grade. And then you have to wait who knows how long before you get your grades. And you rarely know exactly what grade you have in a class until mid-trimester reports.

And this is a much too long post to spend many more words wrapping it up nicely, so I’ll call it a wrap and go back to studying.

Hearts and Sketches

Okay, I’m going to make a generalizations.

Nerds don’t really get a lot of suitors. Guys don’t like girls who are smarter than them, smart guys know that girls are trouble.

Did I mention I’m a guy?

Slightly sexist jokes aside, this doesn’t tend to be as much of a problem at NCSSM. Suddenly, everyone is a nerd. Well, most of us are nerds. And we like other nerds, generally speaking. Everyone’s moving from being undesirable to being the only option, and combined with a new start, that means relationships.

Whee. Relationships. And you have a lot of time to spend together when you live together. For some people, this means that they can take the relationship faster. For others, it just means more drama, faster drama. And it means more relationships, and more sketching.

And for others, still, it doesn’t matter. They still rock solo. Generally by choice.

If you’ve ever heard that there’s no drama here, that was false. There is, just not as much. You find the right people, and there will always be drama.