We Made it Fam

I know that I don’t post often and that really sucks for those of you out there. However, if you’re a current smath student, you should be too busy living your life to have time to read this.
I graduated. I did it. It doesn’t feel real and it felt so odd not to come back from extended yesterday. I’m not afraid to go to college or anything. I’m afraid to leave everything behind. Yes, I was not a straight ‘A’ student. I made some bad choices. I lost sleep. I cried a lot. The food was crap. The work was hard. But, the people were worth it. If I could do it over again, I would choose science and math. This school has given me the chance to grow and find myself. Additionally, I found life long friends. They were people that allowed me to truly be myself. They were people that I could communicate with in just noises. I’m not worried about never seeing my best friends. I’m worried about never seeing those random kids in the hallway who brightened my day with just one look, that one dude who was in my calc pod, or my physics partner that I used to cry with. I will never be able to sit in Dr. Miller’s office to contemplate life. Nor will I be able to sled down the soccer field on a trash can lid.
Science and math was a struggle, but it has been the most rewarding experience of my lifetime. I could go on and on, but no words can truly express the gratitude that I feel (also, I’m very lazy). Part of me wanted to stay forever, but part of me couldn’t wait to come home. I’m not sure what I want, but I’m glad that smath happened. Sitting there on Watt’s Lawn, getting that diploma from JTodd, and moving out still seem surreal. Those last few days at smath were some of the best days of my life. They are days you tell your juniors about all year, but they come and go very quickly. If you are lucky enough to be accepted to smath, you should go. If you go, never take it for granted. It often feels so normal that you forget that you are at one of the best high schools in the country. Smath is a truly unique experience.
I’m sorry for the bad writing and all, but I just felt as though I needed to give closure to this blog. I know that a lot of you are wondering who we (the bloggers) are, but we decided to add our identities to the countless secrets that smath holds.

SeeTheDusk Part II

I wrote this post originally after 2nd tri, and I explain why, but I wanted to save it to post after I graduate in case I wanted to add anything, and honestly, there wasn’t much. A few edits to phrasing here, a cut there to add a few sentences and ruin the flow, but honestly, not much changed. Also, I completely forgot about this post until someone posted on the class page asking who wrote this. So, thanks!

So, I know I posted SeeTheDusk, and that was supposed to be my last post. It was, I promise. But I felt like I left a lot out. Like, maybe, all of senior year. But the truth is, by senior year, I was thinking a lot less about Science and Math, and a lot more about college. But I figured I should still do something, still say something. Well, actually, I just saw co2017.wordpress.com, and it reminded me and it was late at night and I was feeling nostalgic and it touched my heart that flamencoangel carried on the legacy enough for someone to continue after her.

1) Sophomores look really young. Like I see you guys visit. You’re so cute. You look about ten years old. No offense. Actually, I completely see how that could be taken offensively, so… it’s a joke. Please don’t take it too personally.

2) This is the really important part.

Don’t get me wrong. I know student ambassadors who have quit their posts because they felt like they couldn’t lie to prospective students and say that this was a great place, that the sophomores should come here. There are people who feel that strongly. There are people who leave because they hate it. There are people who leave because they can’t handle the academics, or the homesickness, or just feel like it’s a better decision.

For me, attending NCSSM was easily the best decision of my life. I’m still just as screwed up emotionally, a few rice purity points lighter, probably a good dose weirder, and definitely less aware of the fact that I’m weird. I now know that I’m bad at math and a compulsive suck-up. But the social experience alone made it worth all of the all-nighters, the 8AMs, the ban on cars, the Saturday morning restricted study, the questionable cafeteria food, the curfews, and the dumb rules. The people there, the people I met, the people I loved at first sight and the people I learned to love, the people I hated, and the people who I never met but just heard about, they all made it worth it. It was the experience, not the academics.

Realizing how subconsciously elitist I really am. Seeing other kids who aren’t like me, but who really are was worth the 8AMs. Not only going to class, but eating and sleeping with my best friends was worth not being able to drive. Insisting that Hill has the worst halls on campus. Learning book lessons in a classroom, and life lessons in a hall lounge. Feeling self-conscious when they find this blog and read excepts aloud, and then don’t even remember that it happened a year later. Sketching with my senior sister. Concocting elaborate lies about my family. Embarrassing myself over and over and over again. Seeing the school fail its students, and seeing the students fail the school. Breaking rules and being ready to accept the consequences. Coming into a campus of legends and seeing them fall into oblivion as a new junior class knows none of their names. Accepting that I am not a legend. Being scared to go to college because, yeah, college is going to be so much freer and cooler and just BETTER but I don’t want better. I want this. Not forever. I don’t want to relive them. I don’t wish they happened a second slower. I don’t really even know what I want.

I’m just glad they happened. I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

Actually, the world’s a pretty good deal. I’d probably take the world. But you get the point.