Loyalty

I hear that one of the greatest aspects of NCSSM is the social dynamic. You have friends outside of school, but inside of school… you sleep with them, you eat with them, you hang out with them. You’re with them 24/7. Many times, you don’t go home during that weekend when you’re supposed to and instead crash at a friend’s. Your friends, your SLIs, your teachers become your family.

I think that’s wonderful. I’m really looking forward to it.

But what does your current family become? What do your current friends become? Your current teachers? Those people who have nurtured you for the first 15-17 years of your life, who you’re leaving to spend all your time at NCSSM?

See, this decision is about a whole lot more than just what’ll get you into the best college. I haven’t seen any studies, but I’d guess a good majority of NCSSM students are successful. I’d also guess that they’d be successful if they didn’t go to NCSSM. Probably less so, but if you’ve got what it takes to be a Unicorn… the actual process is just another dyed stripe in your rainbow mane.

Your devotion, your loyalty, is going to switch between your teachers who wrote your recommendations, who taught you how to write your essays, your friends who listened to your babbling about this mystical, fictitious school to NCSSM and Unicorns. I’m not saying you’ll forget your friends, family, and teachers.

I’m just saying that you’ll be a NCSSM sheep. Didn’t you know that unicorns had sheeplike characteristics?

Half of me loves that. I love NCSSM because it gives you a new everything, a (theoretically) better everything. But I also hate that I’m leaving my best friend, who’s more into economics and political science than… normal science and math. I hate that I’m leaving my teachers who recommend me for programs and write good reviews of me and wrote my recommendations for all the programs I applied to. I hate that, no matter how much I plan to, I’m not going to visit them. I’m going to start forgetting their names. I’m leaving my family, no matter how much we might not get along, they’ve been my family for my entire life.

I hate that I’m leaving who I am now. Sure, I can bring it with me, but if the great thing about NCSSM is that I can get a new one, that’d really be a waste, wouldn’t it? But leaving who I am now, my history, the way I interact with people… even with its bad characteristics, there’s a part of me that I feel so attached to. Maybe because it’s myself.

Another great thing, and I could go on about great things about NCSSM all day, is that the students love the school so much. They’re so loyal. Loyal enough that they’re a Unicorn, not an Eagle or Spartan or Knight or Falcon or Cavalier. They’re a Unicorn, and wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m sure any Unicorn would disagree with me, and I understand that. I’m just saying how it looks from out here.

Like abandonment for a newer, better, model.

The Vigil

Before, I said that I wasn’t going to check whether I got in or not for a whole day after results were released.

Especially with 2 days to decide, that’s a waste.

Instead, I’m doing something else. For the week leading up to NCSSM, from Monday, April 1, at 4pm to Monday, April 8th at 4pm, I’m not going to think about NCSSM.

What am I talking about? I’m going to think about it. But I’m going to try to live life as though it doesn’t exist. No blog posts, no conversations, no chatting people about it, no forum posts, no freaking out whenever I see a unicorn (small u. If I run into a Unicorn, I can talk to him/her about it.)

Why am I doing this?

A) Because my obsession over the school is practically unhealthy. Especially if I don’t get in.

B) It will show me that I can enjoy my current life without the need of NCSSM, in case I am rejected.

C) I’ve been doing NCSSM as much as I can, whenever I can. I need a break, and my schoolwork needs a break from my focus on NCSSM.

D) I’m honestly wasting time if I don’t get in. Heck, even if I do get in, I’ll learn this stuff when I get there. I can learn it over the summer. I don’t need to be putting off schoolwork and friends to know it RIGHT NOW. Really, I will get no benefit from making a short list of courses for LAST YEAR, counting them, and posting that. While it’ll make me feel cool to know every nook and cranny of NCSSM, I don’t need my NCSSM binder or these little details. Yes, I have a 2″ NCSSM binder. Don’t worry, it’s mostly filled with essay drafts and revisions.

Mostly.

I’m not encouraging you to join my vigil, nor discouraging you. I’m sure our situations aren’t the same. No two are. I’m just letting you know what I’m doing, why, and why I’m not hitting you back from April 1-8.

Sheep

NCSSM has become my life. I’ve dedicated hours upon hours to knowing everything I can. I’ve read the profile several times, know about the SAT Scores, AP information, read the course catalogue, and more. I’ve dedicated more hours to this than I’ve probably spent playing Assassin’s Creed.

I spend a lot of time playing Assassin’s Creed. I like climbing and running on rooftops and getting the collectibles and saving people. Saving people makes me feel like a good person.

Anyways, why am I, a kid who is (forgive my arrogance) smart enough to be a decent candidate to the North Carolina School of Science and Math, willing to be a follower? Why have I allowed this school the ability to engulf my life? Why have I written a blog about it, commented on college confidential, written and revised essay after essay? Why am I addicted to it, to knowing about it, to going there? Why have I made myself a sheep hoping to join the herd following the shepherd of a school?

No, I’m not asking because I’m telling you. I’m asking because I’m asking myself. And now I’m going to try to figure it out. Get ready for hardcore introspection.

I do it because of what the idea promises. No, not the school, but the idea of the school.

I do it because of the affirmation of my value,
the promise of more courses,
the chance to reinvent myself,
the feeling of elitism,
the ability to arbitrarily hang out,
the adventure of a new school,
the intrigue of the unknown,
the filling of empty spaces,
the avoidance of socioeconomic gaps,
the setting of brilliance,
the beauty of equality,
…
the promise of a better life.

And they don’t even have to say anything. There’s so many little details to know, but they make up a vague picture. I proceed to fill in the gaps with an ideal, with a positive outlook, and with the supposition that NCSSM is never wrong.

I made myself a sheep to get through social errors, fights with my parents, and the unfairness of life that come with middle school and beyond. I made myself a sheep to get a free ride through UNC. I still encounter these issues, but I’ve learned to live with them, and the free ride is gone.

I remain a sheep because I don’t see a high school anymore. All I can see now are the pearly gates.

At the end of the day, though, I don’t NEED NCSSM.

Like an alcoholic doesn’t need his bottle.

Welcome New Co-Author and Waiting for Notification

We have a new co-author named Auriee! Although I haven’t spoken to her yet, SeeTheDawn has. It will be nice to finally have a fresh perspective on NCSSM. I just want to wish her good luck as both a fellow applicant and a blogger.

While I’m posting, I might as well talk about what has been on my mind everyday since Discovery Day: the Notification (as SeeTheDawn calls it). It is only 19 days away. At first I thought that the wait would be horrible, but it really isn’t that bad. For those of you waiting, just try to distract yourself with other things. For now, stop scouring the internet for all things NCSSM. Of course, these things don’t always work and when I’m bored I tend to think about the Notification.

I am both worried and excited about the Notification. These are the numerous thoughts in my head:

• What if I get in, then what happens?
• What if I don’t get in? I don’t want to stay in my school.
• If I get in, I won’t have to complete my Beta Club hours because there isn’t a Beta Club at NCSSM, so I doesn’t matter if I get kicked out of it.
• Am I really ready to “accept the greater challenge”?
• If I accept, I am not ready for the tests on Welcome Day. I’ve never taken a physics course in my entire life!
• What if I get in and my friends don’t?
• What if my friends get in and I don’t?
• What if my friends and I both get in? Do we want to be roommates?

As you can tell, I might be going crazy. Good thing I have other more important stuff to worry about. Just kidding. I honestly have nothing better to do other than sit here and ramble, or I could go study for a test. I’d much rather choose the first, but I guess I’ll choose the latter option.

~Keep Accepting the Greater Challenge~

Co-Author Auriee

A NCSSM Journey just got a new author. So to whoever ends up visiting here, nice to meet you.

I’m from CD5, which isn’t terribly competitive, but there’s still quite a few from my city that are fair competition. A few neighbors and family friends around here go/have gone to NCSSM, but the advice I’ve gotten from them are pretty broad. I’ve visited the school for tours and read online about what others have said. Some of the differences in opinion versus what the school says are shockingly different. But you have to be careful with what other people say– the school will obviously talk about and slightly exaggerate the best qualities of the school. The few online are the ones complaining about the school, and they can be convincing. (Take a look at Shanidar’s comments in The Bad v0.1, and you’ll know what I’m talking about). The facts he gives us are pretty compelling, and unquestionably true for quite a handful of students there. But we have to remember, the ones who truly loved the school probably aren’t the ones on the future student applicant forums warning the next group of juniors about the bad aspects of the school.

I’ve decided there’s only one way to determine how good this school really is. It isn’t based on SM’s info on their website, nor is it based on the harsh facts from the College Confidential forum’s complainers. Although I’m glad I read both sides and informed about what I’m getting myself into, I’m not really falling for either side at the moment.

This school is only to be as good as you expect it to be.

Pushing the two sides aside, I’m going to walk in there knowing what I want to do, what to expect, and what I’ll get coming out of there. If you walk in there with the attitude that this is the prison some describe it as, chances are, it’s going to feel like a prison. But if you walk in there expecting great things, but knowing the limits, it’s going to be the greatest experience ever.

A quote I always go by is, “Follow your heart, but don’t forget to take your mind with you.”

—

Well, that intended to be a bit longer than I expected. (This is what happens when I start rambling) I ended up cutting out a large section and saving that for another post. Until then~

Clocking Time

Sometimes, in my life, there’s something I’m waiting for. Quite often, in fact. And if I’m not waiting for something specific, I’m waiting for pretty much anything.

I wait in a distinct way. I try to keep myself busy or sleep. I do homework, whatever else I need to do, and I’ll watch a bunch of TV or play video games or hang out with friends or write a post here or do anything that keeps me busy. Anything that takes up time and/or makes time go faster.

I call this “clocking time”. I’ll be laughing and smiling, but I’m not doing these things primarily because I enjoy them. I’m doing them so that, at the end of the day, I can punch in and say “One day closer.”  I do them secondarily because I want to do them. Clocking time by staring at a wall is not a good idea.

I suppose you can guess what I’m clocking time for: Same as anybody else, the notification day, the status change, whatever you want to call it. I’m going to call it Notification.

Lots of new terms in this one post, huh?

But I’m not just waiting for Notification. I’ve been working under the premise that I will get in, and I’ve been trying to push the idea that I won’t get in out of my mind, even as I’m missing an evaluation two days after they’re due. I’m 100…98…70… I’m some % certain that I’m going to get in, and every time that number starts falling, I just forget about it.

So, what am I clocking time to? Welcome Day, of course. Meeting all my new classmates!

False.

Making my schedule for next year?

False. Well, yeah, but that’s like a really special tick on the clock I’m using to clock time for something else. One last guess.

Move-in day?

False again, I know I’m going to get in and love it like crazy. I’ll just tell you.

I’m clocking time until Sadie. Yeah, the dance at NCSSM.

Of course, as my certainty that I get into NCSSM dwindles with every second, I get closer to subtly punching into both clocks. Cause, I mean, I don’t really KNOW, and I’ve been wrong before. I even know I missed a question on Discovery Day.

Don’t mock me, I’m smrt!

The Image of the Journey

I found this image, and it really seems to speak to how I feel about NCSSM. The unicorn would be me, looking onto the castle, NCSSM. The light, the goodness, that gives everything its positive glow isn’t quite NCSSM, but NCSSM is a whole lot closer to it. The path there is pretty mysterious, but we know the basics.

http://gracesgraphics.com/view/13006

1,000

Sorry I haven’t been able to post, but there hasn’t been much to post besides Discovery Day. Now that those are all over, there is absolutely nothing I can post.

Oh, well, except for a few things, like how we hit 1,000 views the other day:

Yay you guys for hitting up this page.

No, I didn’t just say “hitting up this page”. I typed it, and that makes it even less okay.

Don’t expect the posts to stop. I can always tell you guys more about NCSSM.

 

When That Day Comes

We find out whether or not we are accepted this year on April 8th at 4 PM with a simple status change. It’s a long way off and the wait will probably make me go crazy. So to help with all of my fellow impatient applicants, I found a countdown (You’ll have to click on the little link in the corner if it doesn’t show up properly).

 

COUNTDOWN WEBSITE

Please, don’t spend hours staring at it, willing it to go faster!

Alternate option, due to this theme/wordpress preventing flash: on the sidebar on the left is a daily countdown.

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