Hysteria

I know that I just made that burned out post, and it’s completely accurate, but, on occasion, I have panic attacks about NCSSM.

I just had one. And you get to hear about it! Claps all around.

First, I need to explain something, and I wrote a draft for a post about this but I could never really get it to flow.

Lots of people are going to NCSSM for the academics, to “Accept the Greater Challenge” because they don’t find their school challenging enough or their school doesn’t offer as advanced courses. My school has a student body with average SAT scores very close to NCSSM’s. We have a higher % who attend Ivy League Schools(Plus Stanford and MIT, and not each individually, but as a whole). I know that the school I’m currently at is plenty challenging and will give me a great education, but I don’t like the people. Beyond not liking the people, I have preconceived notions about the people, and they have the same for me, that make interaction awkward and difficult, or that’s what I claim. Instead of working that out, I’m running to NCSSM. That portrays it in a bad light. Here’s it in a good light.

In Middle School, I was a strange kid. I was a nerd for some time, then I tried to be artsy but had not artistic talent, and then I tried to be a bad kid, but it conflicted with who I was. Throughout that time, I became alienated from the majority of the school, and I hated them; I didn’t want to go there in the first place. Toward the end, I told myself that high school would be better. Over the summer, I’d change, and I’d take my school by storm. But I didn’t. I told myself that high school would be some of the best years of my life, and so far, they haven’t been. NCSSM will give me a chance to change that, to start fresh and perhaps be who I wanted to be, to finally take high school as some of the best years of my life. Sure, they have some really great and interesting courses, and I’ll take them and try hard, but I don’t want to go there for education. I want to go for life.

Take it whichever way you will. I was bored today, and between episodes of TV shows on Netflix and video games and waiting, as I talked about in my previous post, I decided to actually read a Hall blog. I’d recently told Duhbagel that my first choice would be 2nd Bryan because I liked the name, so I figured I’d check it out. I looked, and it didn’t look like a guy’s dorm. First issue, but nothing to cause mass panic. What caused mass panic was looking at the girls. Recognizing that, yeah, when I go to NCSSM, there won’t just be the idea of people to impress, there will be actual people. And there’s a distinct possibility that I’ll fail. They might not like me. I might end up in the same situation I’m in now. I might make no changes. What if I stay up late every night, lonely and ostracized, typing on this blog? What if I have no free time because I took too many classes? What if I end up doing something incredibly stupid? What if I make a mistake?

I always make a mistake.

But I don’t want to spend my high school years writing this blog, either. ‘Night.

Burned Out

I’ve been in this fervor for NCSSM for months. Every day, when I get home from school, I check my email to see if there are any updates on the forums, and I tend to respond. As you can see, I’ve been posting about the school excessively, and celebrating over the views. It was the only thing that I could talk to my friends about. I could read about it for hours.

I haven’t read everything, but I’ve lost my energy. I no longer post as often on the forums, which are much less lively. I never did make that thread to try to attract co-bloggers. I’ve gotten my semester grades, and can’t bring myself to complete assignments in a timely manner; instead, I procrastinate. I can’t continue my studying for the SAT, as those little bubbles are just annoying me at this point. I’m running out of things to talk about for the school, and I can’t even write the absurdly long emails to Duhbagel anymore. It’s like my fervor is dying, but I know that it’s not. It’s just changing from excitement to… anticipation.

I’m just waiting. I’m waiting for Discovery Day. I’m waiting for them to review my application. I’m waiting for the answer. I’m waiting for the school year to start. I’m waiting for responses to emails, waiting for responses to applications for summer programs. I’m just letting my life go by as I wait.

I know people say “don’t wish any of your life away” and “carpe diem”, but I’ve built this world around NCSSM and it’s not losing its appeal, but it’s not here, either. I used to be distant when talking to my friends at times because I was thinking about NCSSM, but there’s so little to think about. It’s like that moment when you’re cleaning your room, you’ve picked everything up, washed your clothes, dusted, made your bed, and you’re vacuuming. You finish half of the room and you just say “Forget this crap, I’m going outside.” There’s so little left to do that I can’t bring myself to do it. NCSSM has been what I thought about when I have nothing to think about, and once I finish my pro list, I’ll be done thinking about the school. I honestly feel like I’ve thought through just about every single thing that I care about, and now I have nothing to think about when I’m in a car, staring out the window or don’t want to do Latin translations. So I just sit there, get in bed, lay down, stare at my ceiling, and dream dreams with my eyes open.

Dreams about NCSSM. About college. About life. About death. I just sit there and imagine the future and try to decide my life, tell my friends the next day, and scrap it.

I need a new hobby.

Advice From Current “Smathers”

I have asked countless questions to my friends that attend NCSSM. They are all probably fed up with me by now. At times I probably sounded like a total idiot. Oh well! Rather than keeping all this information to myself, I’ve decided to share it with all of you! (NOTE: The numbers distinguish students from each other.)

-Do you like it better at NCSSM compared to your other school?
1: I love it here. The difference is that you have a lot more freedom, with that comes responsibility. I will be honest it isn’t easy here. But what you gain here makes it all worth it. I have learned a lot and met a lot of awesome people. This was the right decision for me.
2:Definitely. It is such a welcoming community. Not to mention, I am better matched with all of my classes. I feel that I can learn much more here than anywhere else.

-Is there a lot of homework?
1:There is a lot of homework, it is not uncommon to do 4-6 hrs of homework a night.
2:Yes, but it is manageable. Every weeknight, you have a mandatory study time from 8:30-10:00. But it all really depends on what classes you take. About 3, sometimes 4 hours is usual. It really depends on the teacher, though. First Trimester Juniors are required to in Supervised Study, but, if their grades are good, they don’t have to do that the rest of the year.

-What’s a normal day like?
2: Sometimes there is a ot of free space. A couple of nights, I have been up till 3:30, but most nights I get to bed before 1.

– One of my favorite questions that I asked: How’s the food?
2:I am told that last year and years previous it has been terrible. However, they just got new management for the cafeteria and it is pretty good.

-How tough are the classes there? Is it a heavy workload or useful information?
2:Definitely useful information. I love learning and this is a great environment where that desire can be cultivated. It is a little tough. Some teachers are harder than others. But, all in all, it is pretty medium. Most students end up coming here and it is the first time they have ever really been challenged. Our motto here is, Accept the Greater Challenge.

– Another important question to me: How’s the theatre department?
2:They have an amazing fine arts department, specifically theater. They do a play in the fall, Shakespeare in the Winter, and a musical in the Spring. Not to mention there are theater night classes and one-act plays. Probably a couple of clubs dedicated to it too.

– Are there any negatives of attending?
2:I haven’t really found any yet. It is a little tiring sometime, but not bad. I certainly enjoy it. (A month later) Just remember that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, few as they are. (3 months later) I miss my family. That one is for sure. The workload is a lot harder. Like, I have never had to work this hard academically in my life. Other than that, I don’t think it is that bad.

-How often do you come home?
2:If you wanted, you could come home every weekend. I generally only go home during extendeds. An extended is a weekend where they make us go home, they shut down the school, and they don’t open it back up till that Monday late afternoon. There is an extended at the end of every month.

-What do you do during your free time?
2:Well, I play ping-pong and study some. Sometimes I just hang with other people.

-How were exams?
1:Exams are always really hard.
2:They were pretty good. I didn’t think they were that bad, actually.

-Should I take Precalculus sophomore year?
1: Yes, the guys on my hall highly recommend it and it will help with the test on Discovery Day.

-How did you learn to get around campus?
1: I was confused at first, but I had a senior show me where my classes were. Over time you will pick it up, but it is pretty easy.
2: It took a few weeks, but even during 2nd trimester I didn’t know where some of my classes were.

-What language are you in?
1: I took Spanish before NCSSM, but now I’m in Latin. I’ve heard that Chinese is the easiest.
2: I took Spanish before NCSSM and I’m continuing it.

I have plenty more of these, but I’ll upload them later. I hope these help! Feel free to comment. Do you have any questions? I will post the dates that they have been updated.
Written: 1/23/13
Updated: 3/11/13

A New Beginning

One thing about going to a new school is that you get to start all over. Whatever reputation you had in the past is completely erased. This can be a good or a bad thing.

PROS: I will be able to make new friends and change my “image”. I’ve been in school with the same kids since elementary school and they still remember when I wore glasses and I went through a “fifth grade fat phase”. The kids at NCSSM don’t know that. The great part is that no one will really have friend circles. Of course, you would stick with your roomates or maybe a student from your school that was accepted as well, but for each and every student it will be a new beginning. This is a chance to have a fresh start. I’m held up to certain standards at my school that I hate. I’m not competitive with other smart kids, but their lives revolve around surpassing me. In a school like NCSSM, everyone is smart and I would no longer be considered the smartest one around, and for me that can be a good thing.

CONS: What about those people that I have been friends with for years? They know my past (this makes it sound like some evil/dark secret, but it’s not) and yet, they still care to be my friends. Most people in school know me, even though I don’t know them. Nowadays, I am known as the smart- kid-who-doesn’t-look/act-like-a-nerd. This isn’t a bad reputation to live with and who knows what I would become at NCSSM?

In addition to my “image”, I will have a whole new lifestyle. I won’t be able to depend on my wonderful mom to do laundry or clean my room (she does it for her own pleasure, not because it is messy). Each day I’ll have to clean my room and hall, and each week I’ll have to spend 3 hours working around campus. However, I will have greater independence. There won’t be a constant nagging from my parents. Also, it is a new school setting. My school follows the 4 classes a semester schedule. At NCSSM it is like a college schedule, and if you’re lucky you get free periods. That is a positive for me because I don’t have to get bored doing the same thing everyday and I can utilize those free periods.

I’ll have to adjust to a whole new surrounding, but I can’t decide if that’s good or bad.

At Risk

First, welcome Duhbagel. I read the “New Co-Blogger” post, and the writing in it was better than mine. Good for you readers, bad for me. I look less awesome, and I was never that awesome in the first place. Too bad. Onto this post:

Before the application was due, I was really eager to tell people that I was applying, but I couldn’t. If I told them, they might apply, or they might tell someone who applies, and so on. It could diminish my chances. A while into the application, though, I realized that one or two or ten more people isn’t going to make a huge difference in CD4, and the more applicants there are, the more “worthy” I will be of my position in NCSSM from CD4.

So, I started to tell people. I told some friends, some people who I knew were applying, and it got around. The application closed, and I told more people. It felt wonderful.

That was so stupid of me. Now, there are hundreds of people, – well, tens of people who I care about – plus all the people who are reading this blog, who are expecting me to get in. If I don’t get in, I’ll suffer gross humiliation. My failure will ring from mountaintop to mountaintop. While I was writing the application, that was good incentive. Now that I’ve turned it in, it just fills me with dread.

But was it so stupid of me? One of the greatest things about this application process is how much it mirrors the college application process. Sure, the college applicants hear the answer sooner. Sure, it realistically has a more direct impact on their life. But the process is the same, and now that everyone knows that I’m applying, many of the risks are the same.

I’ve heard people say, quite truthfully, that if you succeed, you’re a hero; if you fail, you’re an idiot.

My dignity is at risk, as well as my image in the eyes of others and in my own eyes, but I’ll choose to look at that and make it more thrilling. I already risked looking like an idiot, but at least I have this shot at being a hero.

New Co-Blogger

Hi guys! SeeTheDawn let me become a co-blogger! I am also an NCSSM applicant, but I’m from CD9. I have a friend who currently attends and he’s given me some great advice, so I hope to share that with all of you. I learned from the Admissions Officer that the SAT score they are looking for is 100 points over that of your home high school in each section. I recently heard that “the plague” is going around NCSSM and it’s totally true, but it’s not the plague, it’s actually Norovirus. Don’t worry though, the school is taking care of it.
-Keep Accepting the Challenge!-

NCSSM Info

So, some stuff for people who’re applying or are curious:

http://www.ncssm.edu/faculty/FC%202005-2006/Minutes/Minutes%203-20-06.htm

The acceptance policy has probably changed since then. Yes, I’ve been holding onto this and hiding it, why do you ask? It’s probably obsolete, but on the off chance that it isn’t, I couldn’t give other CD4-ers the advantage. It didn’t really change my application though.

 http://www.ncssm.edu/virtualtour/virtualtour.html

For people who didn’t make it to an open house and are curious. Yeah, you’ll have to show up for discovery day, and you’ll see it then, but… patience isn’t the strong suit of 21st century kids.

Over in the pages tab, I have some good and bad stuff I found about NCSSM. There’s a whole lot more, I just have to find it again. And copy it. And cite it. Bleh. So, check to the top left!

Co-bloggers

So, I was on College Confidential, and I sent some private messages asking if people wanted to work on a blog/website together about applying and going to NCSSM. Basically this, but more to the point, and with more perspectives.

I got no responses. I then made a post. Nice and public. I got one yes, followed up on it, and they didn’t respond. I figured that the lack of positive responses came from the fact that the application wasn’t due yet. They’d be giving me an advantage, an extra leadership position.

But the application has closed for days, and I still have no follow-ups. I’m not even sure it was that cool an idea in the first place.
If you’re a current applicant or prospective applicant, and are all like “Nah, dude, you’re pretty boring and repetitive, you totally should’ve followed through!”, then try doing it yourself for people that come later. Since CDs will change, yours will be more prevalent for the next 10 years. Or however often they change Congressional Districts.

I’ve pretty much given up. But, I’ll start a new thread and make some posts on current, active threads to see if anyone’s interested. In a little bit. Right now I have to study for my SAT retake. ‘Cause I totally bombed the writing, like I do every…single…time. And I have less than exactly a week to prepare, so… wish me luck! And everyone else, but I mean, I’m me. They don’t make blogs :p

Seriously, though, we all need luck

That Game

You remember that game I referenced earlier? The game that I read that the NCSSM student played?

I beat it. I can officially attend if accepted. Which reminds me, funny story.

I was reading my email, and you know how it says the subject and then a preview of the text? I had an email with a subject that said something about NCSSM, and the preview of the email said “Dear [my real name] Congratulations!”
I freaked out and thought that I had been accepted. It made no sense that I would be, but I was really excited until I opened the email and saw that it said that I’d submitted my application. Yay me. I had no freaking idea.

Still, it was nice of them to confirm it.

On another note, there are answers to the questions! Answered by a NCSSM student! Whee! Go check it out

Criteria and Scores

I don’t know if I’ve posted about this before, but if I have, then feel free to not read this. Well, feel free either way.

At school today, one of my friends found out that I had taken the SAT to apply for NCSSM. He asked me what I got. I told him that I didn’t do as well as I wanted, which is true. He said, “so not a 2400?” and I said, “No, I didn’t get a 2400.” He proceeded to call me some names, but I didn’t tell him my score.

Then, after school, I see on CollegeConfidential that someone has asked other applicants for credentials to see “where everyone stands” or something like that.

I don’t agree with either of those. (I toned that down. originally it started with “Both of those are stupid.” Then it became “I hate both of those.” Then it made it here. So, my usual exaggeration doesn’t apply here. I made it socially acceptable. Yay me!) My SAT score isn’t going to make my friend’s scores any higher or lower. It’s just going to give him an inflated self-image. If I scored lower than him, he’s brilliant. If I scored higher than him, then he’ll blame it on me studying. Sidebar:

If I study for a test or prepare for a paper and you can’t bother to, then I still outscored you. If you come close, I still outscored you. I understand that you didn’t study and theoretically you would have done better with studying and could have beat me. But I bothered to, and I outscored you, so drop it. And if you outscored me, congrats. We’re done with it. Don’t rub it in my face that I spent 3 hours studying or whatever and you did it in your sleep. I don’t care. I really don’t. I didn’t even want to share my grade in the first place. End sidebar

Anyways, the same applies to the guy on CollegeConfidential. We’ve submitted our applications. Sure, we still have discovery day and teacher recommendations, but really, it’s been submitted. Yes, in this case, my stats will make yours look better because yours, well, look better than mine, but you knowing that does no one any good. I do cede that I searched the internet looking for information, but this whole “Chance me” thing didn’t appeal to me because, well, I’ll know whether I get in or not WHEN I GET IN OR NOT. Some random person on the internet isn’t going to decide that. Likewise, you looking at my information and thinking that you look better than me on it isn’t going to increase or decrease your chances of getting in. It’s all in NCSSM’s hands now. Err, some of it.

I amend my earlier statement in lieu of adding to the grandeur that I associate with CD4. This is CD4. It’s in Fate’s hands now. Or God’s, depending on how you want to phrase it based on your religious preferences.

You knowing my stats just sates your curiosity and lowers my self-esteem. And it frikken pisses me off. I piss myself off enough without you helping. Stop asking about my scores, and go frikken study. Apologies for the excessive use of “frikken”

Whew. I’m calmer now.