I know that I just made that burned out post, and it’s completely accurate, but, on occasion, I have panic attacks about NCSSM.
I just had one. And you get to hear about it! Claps all around.
First, I need to explain something, and I wrote a draft for a post about this but I could never really get it to flow.
Lots of people are going to NCSSM for the academics, to “Accept the Greater Challenge” because they don’t find their school challenging enough or their school doesn’t offer as advanced courses. My school has a student body with average SAT scores very close to NCSSM’s. We have a higher % who attend Ivy League Schools(Plus Stanford and MIT, and not each individually, but as a whole). I know that the school I’m currently at is plenty challenging and will give me a great education, but I don’t like the people. Beyond not liking the people, I have preconceived notions about the people, and they have the same for me, that make interaction awkward and difficult, or that’s what I claim. Instead of working that out, I’m running to NCSSM. That portrays it in a bad light. Here’s it in a good light.
In Middle School, I was a strange kid. I was a nerd for some time, then I tried to be artsy but had not artistic talent, and then I tried to be a bad kid, but it conflicted with who I was. Throughout that time, I became alienated from the majority of the school, and I hated them; I didn’t want to go there in the first place. Toward the end, I told myself that high school would be better. Over the summer, I’d change, and I’d take my school by storm. But I didn’t. I told myself that high school would be some of the best years of my life, and so far, they haven’t been. NCSSM will give me a chance to change that, to start fresh and perhaps be who I wanted to be, to finally take high school as some of the best years of my life. Sure, they have some really great and interesting courses, and I’ll take them and try hard, but I don’t want to go there for education. I want to go for life.
Take it whichever way you will. I was bored today, and between episodes of TV shows on Netflix and video games and waiting, as I talked about in my previous post, I decided to actually read a Hall blog. I’d recently told Duhbagel that my first choice would be 2nd Bryan because I liked the name, so I figured I’d check it out. I looked, and it didn’t look like a guy’s dorm. First issue, but nothing to cause mass panic. What caused mass panic was looking at the girls. Recognizing that, yeah, when I go to NCSSM, there won’t just be the idea of people to impress, there will be actual people. And there’s a distinct possibility that I’ll fail. They might not like me. I might end up in the same situation I’m in now. I might make no changes. What if I stay up late every night, lonely and ostracized, typing on this blog? What if I have no free time because I took too many classes? What if I end up doing something incredibly stupid? What if I make a mistake?
I always make a mistake.
But I don’t want to spend my high school years writing this blog, either. ‘Night.